dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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