Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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