are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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