coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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