Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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