hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize