Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't turn off my feet"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize