What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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