is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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