the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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