I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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