I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you never un-have a 4some
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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