Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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