Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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