yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
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well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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