she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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