is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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