guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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