it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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