I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He has the fingertips of a God
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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