Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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