I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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