my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize