he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize