i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize