I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize