i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize