I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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