I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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