You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
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I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bring me that man meat
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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