I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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