Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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