Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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