his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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