i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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