you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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