How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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