The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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