dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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