She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize