I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize