I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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