i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize