I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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