I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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