Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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