He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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