I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
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We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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