That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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