I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize