I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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